I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
PS: I just woke up from my shower
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
