you would pick up someone in the library
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
