Umm I'm too high to move.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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