marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I looked at my own cervix.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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