I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
