Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
