my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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