so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
