If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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