Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
