just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
oh god the rape fog is back!
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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