I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
