he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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