i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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