Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
