How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
