Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
