It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
