i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
