Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
