I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
