I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Randomize
