The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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