Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
My pussy is not your playground.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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