Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Everclear isn't food dammit
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
