Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
