Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
