i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
