life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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