...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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