We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
