You're a womanizer and a bitch.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
