i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Don't tell me you're on acid again
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
