You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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