I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
