you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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