i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
