If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
too bad you live with your parents still
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
