I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
