Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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