Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
worst night to have a conscience
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
