Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
