You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
