theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
