My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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