she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
