You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
