That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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