it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
