Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
