I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
